If I said these things, I’d be a liar:
1. It hurts when I eat. So I don’t.
2. My inability to cook brings all the boys to the yard. And they’re like, it’s better than yours. I can teach you, but i’d have to charge.
3. My cat and I; we have the best conversations.
4. After 7 [...]
Entries from October 2009
October 30, 2009
Things I wish I could HONESTLY say, but I can’t.
Filed under HONESTLY
Tags: pale skin, satire, Comedy, Funny, blogs, pale girl, work, girls, Midwest, Minnesota, life lessons, good people, liars, tan, cats, funny people, tan skin, duck hunting, Minneapolis, Atmosphere, hippie, dreadlocks, locks, Easy Mac, Lists, honesty, skinny jena, skinny jeans, jealous, david sedaris, vegans, ovaries, crying, my milkshake, all the boys to the yard, teach you, teachers, talking to cats, pale skinned women, co-workers, commenatary, WNBA, women suck, mn, safest cities to live, Westside Connection
October 24, 2009
Did your Facebook Status make the BEST OF list this week?
I scoured the world of FACEBOOK (aka the planet’s alternate reality) and found the BEST Facebook Status Updates of the week (Oct 17-Oct 23, 2009) . Check it out below…is one of these statuses yours???
1. (Name) lost custody of my kids today :( On a positive note, I am free this weekend. Who wants to go clubbing?? [...]
Filed under BEST OF Facebook Statuses, FACEBOOK
Tags: pale girls, pale skin, satire, Comedy, Funny, alaska, kids, marriage, jokes, FACEBOOK, Best of, H1N1, swine flu, marine biologist, tootsie pops, candy, facebok, halloween, halloween costumes, sexy halloween costumes, dill pickle chips, drunk girls, pee, bed bath and beyond, marrying cousins, drive by, taco bell, gas, dogs, suckas, buying a house, bad parents, clubbing, holler, holla
October 9, 2009
OMG! My boss just Facebook friend requested me!
Now that everyone is on social networking sites, there may come a time when you received a dreaded friend request from your boss. I know it sounds horrible, but there’s a good chance this will eventually happen to you. And once management invades your social-networking world, it will never be the same again. So why do bosses like to [...]
Filed under FACEBOOK, Pale Perspective
Tags: barsexuality, barsexuals, Blackberries, blogs, Bluetooth, boss, business, comedy blogs, comedy writing, cool, Crackberry, dear abby, FACEBOOK, facebook disasters, facebook horror stories, Facedisaster, fake, female bloggers, freedom, Friend Requests, Funny, immature, ladies, management, myspace, novel ideas, office space, pale, pale girls, Pervs, satire, single ladies, social networking hand book, spam, thank you., the office, work from home., workaholics
October 8, 2009
Stuff I learned from public school and reality tv.
Here is a list of stuff I’ve learned that I’d like to pass onto the world wide web.
You probably know all of this stuff too considering it should be fairly common knowledge, but let’s review…
WARNING what you are about to read below is extremely pretentious.
1. NEVER trust a woman who claims that she “just can’t be [...]
Filed under Public School and Reality TV
Tags: auto tune, back child support, bb king, bloggers, blogs, bronny, candy corn, car salesman, Comedy, court, daycare, dead beat dads, eric clapton, FACEBOOK, facelaw, generalizations, global warming., H1N1, heidi montag, heidi montag's music, joe soucheray, judge judy, junior's section, mtv's real world, neil young, nicotine, pale girls, pale gurl, pretentious, public school daycare, public school system, public schools, reality tv, realwordl, satire, star magazine, swine flu, swine flue, tubular, us weekly, vaughn, Xbox, zombie magazines, zombies
October 2, 2009
Important Facebook DON’TS
Please don’t commit these hideous Facebook crimes. If you are currently guilty, stop now before the whole world becomes aware of your apparent lack of Facebook etiquette.
Remember, these aren’t mere suggestions, they are warnings. Stop now or be judged later by the Facebook Gods – they are fierce, unforgiving and may sentence you to eternity [...]
Filed under FACEBOOK
Tags: adults and facebook, advice, bad facebook friends, befriending, BFF, causes, Comedy, computer tips, couples, cyber stalking, cyberstalking, depression, empathize, FACEBOOK, facebook dos and donts, facebook etiquette, facebook for dummies, facebook gods, facebook pictures, facebook status updates, facebrag, fake, fake people, Farkle, fugly people, Funny, Humor, in a relationship, internet dangers, jealousy, kids and facebook, kind of a big deal, myspace, myspace is over, pale girls, pale skin, reality, satire, social networking, social networking tips, stabbing, status updates, therapy, tips, TMI, Too Much information, vegetarians, violence
October 1, 2009
Don’t be Tardy for the Party!
We Midwesterners are all over the place. No longer do we only graze and live solely on flat lands near large bodies of water that freeze solid in the winter months. We are also transplants in many cities across the nation. Since we from the Midwest are popping up all over the country, it is important that [...]
Filed under Pale Perspective
Tags: arizona, autumn, Basements, Beer Bust, BFF, bonfires, booya, brag, cabin, cabins, cable television, can koozies, Carhartts, casserole, Casual, cocktail parties, cocktail weenies, Comedy, Cool Ranch Doritos, crockpot recipes, crockpots, deer pee, deer piss, don't be tardy for the party, douche, drinking beer, duck hunting, fat pants, frozen lakes, funny stories, gambling, garage sale, garrison, good housekeeping, graze, grudge, hot dish, hotdish, how to, Humor, kill em with kindness, kim, koozies, light beer, meat, Midwest, Midwest etiquette, midwest logic, Midwestern values, midwesterner, Minnesota, nemesis, NeNe, pale girls, pale skin, parties, party planning, party tips, people, pontoons, prairie home companion, prairie lands, Pull Tabs, Ranch Dressing, real housewives of atlanta, rsvp, satire, say yes, serious weather, softball, St. Patrick's Day, static hair, stuff white people like, tardy for the party, the onion, tips, trampoline, transplants, tricks, water trampolines, weenies, winter, winter carnival, writing
October 7, 2009
Did your Facebook Status make the BEST OF list!?!
I scoured the world of FACEBOOK (aka the planet’s alternate reality) and found the BEST Facebook Status Updates of the week thus far. I will try to do this weekly unless of course my laziness kicks in or I am hanging out with my BFFs (aka my 30 Rock, Felicity and Buffy the Vampire Slayer [...]
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Filed under BEST OF Facebook Statuses
Tags: 30 Rock, best facebook status updates, Best of, Best of facebook status updates, bffs, blogs, breath, buffy the vampire slayer, Comedy, comments, disgusting, dumb people, email, fabulous, FACEBOOK, felicity, friends, Funny, God, gross, ick, lame, Lord, marriage, pale girls, pale gurl, paperclips, people of walmart website, people of Walmart., photo comments, problems, rot, satire, social networking, style, the office, Toy Story Double Feature, vomit, wall posts, Walmart, worst uncle